Blackmaille100

BLACKMAILLE
Part 100 - Song Contest VI Winners
by Lord Thomas the Black

Blackmaille

Song Contest VI Winners

Welcome back to another edition of Blackmaille!

This month, we have our second “theme” month for our song contest winners. As you may recall, the first was when I had to step in and do songs based on Tech N9ne's music. This month, the winners are all based on Foo Fighters / Nirvana songs! It's Dave Grohl month here at Blackmaille! So without further ado, on with the show...

Our first entry deals with the frustrations of running a renfest demo. Based on the popular song “Long Road to Ruin”, I give you...

Long Road To Renfest

(To the tune of “Long Road to Ruin” by the Foo Fighters)

Hey now hand me that Dew

Say have you stopped for gas today?
One sign was taken down
To raise another in it's place

A heavy box you bear
A stubborn ring remains unchanged
No home, no life, no love
No awards mentioning your name

Maybe this season
The directors change in the program now
Dear God we’re gonna be late
Driving through town
Renfest can wait

Long road to renfest
Up late last night
Under the cold streetlights
No gate pass
No parking spot in sight

What say we take this fest
No king or queen of SCA
Get up to shut it down
Fire the cannon and raise the gates

I wove a shirt of scale
I made a weave without a name
Talk to tours without a care
DaVinci’s running way too late

Maybe this season
The directors change in the program now
Dear God we’re gonna be late
Driving through town
Renfest can wait

Long road to renfest
Up late last night
Under the cold streetlights
No gate pass
No parking spot in sight

Long road to renfest
Up late last night
Under the cold streetlights
No gate pass
No parking spot in sight

For every ring to fall in place
Forever gone without a trace
Your hauberk takes its shape
No turning back, don't close that ring

Come now, I'm leaving after cannon
Come now, let's go and get a beer
It’s been a long, long day
Driving through town
Renfest can wait

Solo

Long road to renfest
Up late last night
Under the cold streetlights
No gate pass

Long road to renfest
Up late last night
Under the cold streetlights
No gate pass

Long road to renfest
Up late last night
Under the cold streetlights
No gate pass
No parking spot in sight

Our second entry also explores some of the hazards of renfest demos, to the tune of Nirvana's “Come as You Are”...

Come Dressed in Garb

(To the tune of “Come As You Are” by Nirvana)

Come dressed in garb, With your tools
With your maille rings to weave
Make a fauld, make a coif
Make an Arab jezerain

Take your time, hurry up
Cannon’s at nine, don't be late

Wind a coil, weave a chain
Flatten rings and start again

Haubergeon, Haubergeon

Haubergeon, Haubergeon

End covered in dust, soaked in sweat
And I really need to pee
Coiled some rings, wove some maille
Made a patch two inches square

Haubergeon, Haubergeon

Haubergeon, Haubergeon

And I swear that I’m still having fun
Yes I’m still having fun
Yes I’m still having fun

Haubergeon, Haubergeon

Haubergeon, Haubergeon
(Yes I’m still having fun)

And I swear that I’m still having fun
Yes I’m still having fun
Yes I’m still having fun
Yes I’m still having fun
Yes I’m still having fun
Yes I’m still having fun

Haubergeon, Haubergeon

Finally, our winner sent us this entry based on Nirvana's landmark hit “Smells Like Teen Spirit”...

Smells Like Maille Monkeys

(To the tune of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana)

Load up on pliers and bring your rings
It's fun to weave and make some things

We’re over-bored and over-worked
Oh no, I wove a new hauberk

Add row, Add row, Add row, how low?
Add row, Add row, Add row, how low?
Add row, Add row, Add row, how low?
Add row, Add row, Add row

With the crowds out, we get dangerous
”Here we are now, entertain us”
They’re all stupid and contagious
”Here we are now, entertain us”

A Half-Persian, a new Knight’s Chain
A Byzantine, my Trizantine
Yeah, hey, yay

I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I do feel blessed
Our Renfest Guild has always been
And always will until the end

Add row, Add row, Add row, how low?
Add row, Add row, Add row, how low?
Add row, Add row, Add row, how low?
Add row, Add row, Add row

With the crowds out, we get dangerous
”Here we are now, entertain us”
They’re all stupid and contagious
”Here we are now, entertain us”

A Half-Persian, a new Knight’s Chain
A Byzantine, my Trizantine
Yeah, hey, yay

And I forget just why I’m here
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I dropped a ring, it's hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind

Add row, Add row, Add row, how low?
Add row, Add row, Add row, how low?
Add row, Add row, Add row, how low?
Add row, Add row, Add row

With the crowds out, we get dangerous
”Here we are now, entertain us”
They’re all stupid and contagious
”Here we are now, entertain us”

A Half-Persian, a new Knight’s Chain
A Byzantine, my Trizantine

Double Spiral, Double Spiral
Double Spiral, Double Spiral
Double Spiral, Double Spiral
Double Spiral, Double Spiral
Double Spiral

Rock on! Thanks to everyone who entered, and to the winner, your copy of “Chainmaille in the Current Middle Ages” will be on it's way as soon as it's available.

Thanks for joining us for another month! As usual, any questions, comments, fan mail or hate mail can (and should) be sent to me at:

                                    Thomas Beckett
                                    13628 Belmead Ave
                                    Grandview, Mo 64030

Or you can email me at tbeckett1@kc.rr.com

See you next month!

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