Part 34 - Chainmaille Connection
by Lord Thomas the Black

Chainmaille Connection

             Welcome back to another edition of Blackmaille! This edition promises to be a little different than the others, and I’m sure this will generate fan and/or hate mail, one way or another.

             Last month, I reviewed some of the more popular maille-related websites on the internet. In one review (for Sara’s Chainmail Connection), I asked if it was just me, or if the name of that site sounded like a Muppet song. Little did I know how that sad little joke was going to stick with me. So, now, without further ado, I give you (with all apologies to Jim Henson):

Chainmail Connection

(to the tune of “Rainbow Connection” by Jim Henson)

Why are there never any songs about chainmail
and whether it protects your hide?
Chainmail is armor, but still it’s transparent,
and chainmail has nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the chainmail connection.
The coilers, the weavers and me.

Who said that every ring would stay intact
and closed when hit with a morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.
Look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us ring gazing
and what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the chainmail connection.
The coilers, the weavers and me.

All of us under its spell. We know that it's probably magic.

Have you been half asleep and still woven armor?
I've even inlaid my name.
Are these the pliers that wove my new hauberk
The tools might be one and the same.
I've woven too many chains to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the chainmail connection.
The coilers, the weavers and me. 


            Yeah, I’m sorry about that. You know how it is when you get a song stuck in your head? Anyway, the point of this article wasn’t to share my poor songwriting skills with you. It’s to get you to share yours with me! Announcing:

The First (and probably last) Annual Blackmaille Songwriter’s Invitational!

Here’s how it works: you write a “filk” song  (“Filk: a tune from a known song, with original words that have a science fiction or fantasy theme” - Wikipedia) about maille, send it in to me, and the top three entries (as voted by myself and my students) will be published in a future edition of “Blackmaille”. Furthermore, every entry will be included in my upcoming book “Chainmaille in the Current Middle Ages, Vol. 2”. Plus, all contributors will receive a free copy of said book (when published)! Fortune, fame, and the dubious privileges that come with it can be yours with a few moments of your time, and the cost of a postage stamp.

NOTE: Participation in this contest constitutes consent to publish said entries. All entries must be accompanied with the entrant’s name, address, and phone number, as well as a self-addressed, stamped envelope if you want your entry back. Otherwise it becomes my property. All entries must have the title of the song it was based on, as well as the new, “maille version”. For Example:

Chainmail Connection

(to the tune of “Rainbow Connection” by Jim Henson)

So, get busy digging through your CD collections, and rewriting lyrics! All entries must be received by 9/1/06. As they say in the SCA, “Entertain or be a pell!”

Entries should be sent to:

                                    Thomas Beckett
                                    13628 Belmead Ave
                                    Grandview, MO 64030

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