Part 42 - Song Contest Winners
by Lord Thomas the Black


Song Contest Winners

             Welcome back to another month of Blackmaille!

             This month, as promised, we’d like to announce the winners of the First (and maybe last) Annual Blackmaille Songwriter’s Invitational! We had some good entries, and have chosen our winners. Interestingly enough, all our current winners requested to remain anonymous. Also, not all our entries limited themselves to songs about maille, with entries coming in having to do with the SCA, and the Middle Ages in general.

 Anyway, on with the show…

             Our first runner-up sent in this take on “Don’t Fear the Reaper”, which we all agreed that while good, it needed more cowbell.

 Don’t Fear the Mailler

(To the tune of “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult)

All my time is gone
Here but now it’s gone
Fighters don’t fear the mailler
Nor do the laurels, the King, or the Queen (we can be like they are)
Come on baby (don’t fear the mailler)
Baby take my hand (don’t fear the mailler)
We’ll be able to weave (don’t fear the mailler)
Baby I’m your man…

My hauberk is done
Here but now its gone
Galvanized and welding rod
Are together in eternity (galvanized and welding rod)
40,000 rings & rivets everyday (galvanized and welding rod)
40,000 rings & rivets everyday (redefine tedium)
Another 40,000 woven everyday (we can be like they are)
Come on baby (don’t fear the mailler)
Baby take my hand (don’t fear the mailler)
We’ll be able to weave (don’t fear the mailler)
Baby I’m your man…

            Not bad. Our next runner-up veered away from maille with this inventive take on country music star Toby Keith’s “I Should Have Been a Cowboy”.

I Should Have Been a Swordsman

(To the tune of “I Should Have Been a Cowboy” by Toby Keith)

I bet you never heard old Robin Locksley say
“Maid Marian, have you ever thought of running away
Settling down, would you marry me
If I asked you twice and begged you pretty please?”
She’d have said yes in a Sherwood minute
They never tied the knot, his heart wasn’t in it
He just stole a kiss as he rode away
He never hung his longbow at Marian’s place

I should have been a swordsman
I should have learned to use a blade
Wearing my chainmail, riding my warhorse
On a Great Crusade
Stealing the young girls’ hearts
Just like Errol Flynn
Singing those campfire songs
Oh, I should have been a swordsman

I might have had a sidekick with a Scottish name
Running wild through the highlands fighting for King James
Ending up on the brink of danger
Charging Pelinor Fields with the Gondor Rangers
Go east young man! Haven’t you been told?
Jerusalem has salvation, glory and gold!
Sleeping out all night beneath the desert stars
With a sword in my hand and a prayer in my heart




              Wow, not bad at all. Still, there can only be one winner, and this time the bragging rights (and a copy of “Chainmail in the Current Middle Ages, Vol 2”) goes to this SCA filk based on 3 Doors Down’s “Be Like That”. This song is one of my favorites, so I make no apologies for my unabashed favoritism in choosing this song as our winner. Enjoy.

Be Like That

(To the tune of “Be Like That” by 3 Doors Down)

He spends his nights down in Estrella
Watching the knights, the Kings and Queens
Then he lies awake and he wonders
Why can’t that be me?
‘Cause in his life he’s filled with all these good intentions
He’s left a lot of things he’d rather not mention right now
But just before he says goodnight
He looks up with a little smile at God
And he says…

If I could be like that
I would give anything
Just to live one day in those shoes
If I could be like that
What would I do
What would I do

She spends her days camped out at Pennsic
Watching the Laurels as they pass
And all she wants is just
A little piece of “The Dream”
Is that too much to ask?
With a safe tent and a warm fire
In a quiet little camp
All she wants is just a little recognition
That’s all she needs…


            <wiping a tear away> That’s just beautiful, man! Excuse me, I’m a little choked up here. Anyway, To our winner (who again, wished to remain anonymous), your copy of “Chainmail in the Current Middle Ages, Vol 2” will be on it’s way as soon as it’s finished. To everyone else who entered, thanks for your submissions!

For those of you who didn’t enter, but are now squirming in the crushing grip of envy at the fame, glory and accolades heaped upon our contest winners, don’t despair. Feel free to send in your filk songs anyway. If I get enough submissions, I may do another contest in the future!

In the meantime, thanks for joining us for another month of everyone’s favorite maille-related monthly: Blackmaille! As usual, any and all questions, comments, hate mail fan mail, or songs submissions should be sent to me at:

                                    c/o Tom Beckett
                                   13628 Belmead Ave
, MO 64030

 Or you can email them to me at:

             See you next month!


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